Uterus Wanted- Apply Within

Uteruses are a wonderful thing. They pretty much differentiate us from the other, lesser sex. It gives you the ability to walk up to the lesser sex and say “Hey there! I can carry a 9lb human in my body and you can only pee your name in the snow, hahahaha!” As women we are programmed to share and it is almost like a need. Ask a Mom what kind of diapers she uses and I guarantee you she has no problem giving you her advice on why Huggies is so much better than Pampers. Let’s face it, a group of Moms is really the only place you can talk about after birth and not have someone running for the porcelain God. Birth stories are almost like the latest Lifetime movie as we perch on the edge of our seats and listen to the latest Mom of the group tells us about her 36 hour labor spent in inconceivable amount of pain while fantasizing about gouging her husband’s eyes out with a knife. The even better part is we sympathize with her. The almighty uterus is something we as women can claim proudly, that is until it gets taken away.

I had a hysterectomy at the age of 27. My body could not handle my youngest daughter’s birth and unfortunately my uterus had to vacate the premises along with my ovaries. Don’t worry; we had a nice farewell party for them. It is a touchy subject for me and when I am with a group of Moms that are talking about having more babies or about how they had cramps the size of Gibraltar the night before I just sit there and nod dumbly. Not having your monthly for almost 11 years gives you the same amnesia as the pain of child-birth does. But, hey, that is not their problem and even though it makes me feel like they are suddenly Uncle Fred that runs around the family reunion saying “amirite or amirite?”, I sympathize with the them because I have been there. It is when they ask me about having more kids if I ever get re-married or about what tampons I find better that I start getting uncomfortable. Because I know it is coming and I am going to end up squirming in my seat from the attention.

It goes something like this.

New lady friend- “So Bobbie are you going to have more kids if you get re-married?”

Me- A little embarrassed because everyone is looking at me but I respond with: “No, I had a hysterectomy about 11 years ago.”

Then it happens, the silence. The sympathetic looks on faces, like I just told them I had stage 4 cancer and was dying tomorrow. It is a uterus people and I don’t have one. I cannot take the crazy train once a month and I can’t lug around another human in my belly. Trust me; I am really okay with this. You don’t have to pat my hand in sympathy or nod your head like you understand when really inside you are thinking “Thank god that isn’t me.” My youngest child cured any cravings I ever had for more kids, so a hysterectomy was a blessing. What really fires me up is I feel like I have to apologize for my uterus-less body just to get the conversation back to normal. I feel like I have to say “I’m sorry I have no uterus. How can I make this less awkward for you?”

We always talk about what not to say to people who have miscarriages or can’t have kids naturally but we never talk about what not to say to people who have had a hysterectomy. While I am not, nor have I ever been, upset over my hysterectomy, there are women out there that are. They don’t want to talk about it and they sure as heck do not want to apologize to anyone because they had to have one. I am not saying to be heartless, I am just saying don’t say “Wow, how does it feel not to be able to have more kids?” or “Does it make you feel less of a woman? Because I have heard it does.” No, I still feel like a woman, trust me. Plus that is just a rude question. There are some women out there that do have a hard time dealing with a hysterectomy, especially if they have had one while they are young like I did. They do feel something is missing or like they have no purpose in life now. I can almost guarantee that you asking them the question “Are you going to have more kids?” is going to hurt them deep inside. So when you are out with new people, Moms especially, don’t take for granted we all have our uterus. I am sorry but not all of us wear “Vacancy- New Uterus wanted” signs on us. You may be asking “So when do I ask that question in a group of Moms?” Well here is the best test. Look at each Mom and think about how if one turned and asked “So how does your husband feel about having sex with you now that he has seen a 9 lb. human come out of your whoo-hah?” and if you feel it isn’t a personal question that offends you or makes things awkward for you, then it is safe to look at someone and say “So are you having more kids?” In other words, most likely never.